For people with problems like Jill's, life coaching is an increasingly popular solution. Whether they're contemplating a big change or just want to make their life more satisfying, coaching can help them accomplish their goals more quickly. "Coaches don't tell you what to do," says Beth Rothenberg, a life coach based in Los Angeles. "They help you figure out what you want, and support you as you go after it."

A coach can play any number of roles - mentor, motivator, cheerleader, consultant - but one thing she is not is a therapist. "A lot of traditional therapy deals with feelings and issues from the past, with why you are the way you are," Rothenberg explains. "Coaching deals with hows: how you can move on from where you are and make change. It's action-oriented, and concerned with the present and the future, not the past."

Serious problems - like depression, eating disorders, sexual or emotional abuse, even financial crises - must be treated by a qualified professional: a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a physician, a financial adviser, not a coach.

What exactly is your dream?
What coaches are good for is helping you get clear on what you want out of life. "Some people don't have definite goals - or they have too many, and their energies are spread too thin," Rothenberg says. Others have borrowed their aspirations from their parents or from popular culture, and have never stopped to see how well those dreams fit into their own lives.

Once you've mapped out where you want to go, the coach helps you find out how to get there. "Many people have an end in mind, but they just can't seem to reach it," Rothenberg points out. "A coach gets you to jump over that gap." To help you make the leap, coaches often devise "action strategies": tasks you can perform right now to bring you closer to your goal. Each time you check in with your coach, you'll update her on the progress you've made - a routine that helps keep you on track.

Through is all, a coach provides a steady stream of encouragement and reassurance. "A good coach will help you stay focused on your ultimate objective, especially when you're in the middle of making difficult changes says Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who also works as a coach.

Don't settle, demand more
Some coaches, have degrees and specialize in particular areas, such as work place issues or body-image problems, others are generalists (without specialized degrees), ready to help with most any kind of everyday challenge. You may meet your coach face to face initially, but most coaching is done over the phone, in hour or half-hour sessions, usually once a week. (Some coaches even offer "e-coaching," done by e-mail). Most coaches charge by the month; $200-$450 for a month of weekly half-hour calls is typical. Coaches may ask that you commit to a minimum number of sessions; beyond that, your relationship with your coach lasts as long as you feel you need it.

Many coaches follow an approach similar to the one taken by Chrissy Carew in her work with Jill. First, she helped Jill clarify her values and priorities: What did she really want out of her life? Jill knew she wanted a job in which she'd be working closely with other people, perhaps children. She knew she wanted to get in shape, and she wanted to have more plain old fun in her life. Next, they looked at some of the beliefs and habits that were holding her back. Jill was working 60-hour weeks at the financial-services company, leaving her little time to think about alternative careers or to work out and prepare healthful meals. (In fact, she had quit her gym membership because she went so infrequently.)

Following the action strategies that Carew suggested, Jill rejoined the gym and hired a personal trainer. She cut back her hours at work and began volunteering at a local preschool. Jill reported her progress each week to her coach, and Carew cheered her on, supporting her as she made bigger and bigger changes: revamped her diet, quit her job, enrolled in graduate school.

Today, four years later, Jill, now 34, says she feels like a different person. She's dropped 50 pounds, thanks to a sensible diet and regular hour-long runs. And she's now working toward a master's degree in social work, with the goal of becoming a psychotherapist. "I got so much help from Chrissy," Jill says, "that it made me want to turn around and help others myself."

Jill liked Carew's upbeat, positive attitude, and she appreciated Carew's willingness to give her a gentle push when she needed it. But the most important thing her coach did, says Jill, was to "raise my standards. She taught me to aspire instead of settle, to demand more of myself and more out of life."

Annie Murphy Paul is a health and psychology writer who lives in New York City.

how to find a (qualified) life coach

Life coaching is a relatively new and unregulated, and almost anyone can call themselves a coach. Here are a few guidelines:

Check certification. Most qualified coaches belong to the International Coach Federation (ICF), a nonprofit professional organization for personal and business coaches. Its Web site, coachfederation.org, features a coach-referral service and explains the credentials it awards: A "Professionally Certified Coach" must have performed 750 hours of coaching, provided five coaching references, completed 125 hour of coach training and been coached themselves for at least 10 hours. The ICF also accredits coach-training programs; two such programs are Coach.U (coachinc.com) and The Coaches Training Institute (thecoaches.com). Since anyone can become a coach, there's no degree or diploma that can substitute for the careful evaluation you do yourself.

Trust your intuition. Interview several different coaches, and see which one you feel most comfortable with. "Ask yourself, "Do I like her? Do I trust her?' " says Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., a life coach based in New York City and Laguna Beach, Calif. "If you feel at all uneasy on a gut level, move on."

Try before you buy. Many coaches offer a free sample introductory coaching session; take advantage. "Remember, you're looking for someone who has insight into you," says Los Angeles-based coach Beth Rothenberg, "someone who listens very carefully and asks good questions."

Be aware of red flags. Avoid any coach who makes unrealistic promises, like "I'm going to find you the perfect man," or "I'll make you financially independent in six months," or "I promise that you will lose 30 pounds by swimsuit season." Also watch out for a coach who ignores your thoughts and feelings and seems to have her own agenda. And walk out the door if a coach tries to push a major life change on you such as, "He's definitely not the man to marry," or "Quit that job, right now," or "You need to get a divorce."

Shape Magazine 2002